It has been exactly eight years since my last blog post. It’s actually kind of hard to remember how life was then because so much has changed… but I do remember this: eight years ago I was a 30-year-old stay-at-home mom with one kid. I lost the baby weight with diet and exercise, I was extremely passionate about only using organic products and solely eating organic food. I can actually quote my 30-year-old-self for proclaiming, “I wouldn’t even use a straw from McDonald’s.” I thought I was really smart and that it was super easy to do everything the right way.
Let’s all just stop right here to pause for a moment of silence for my naive, judgemental, former-self…..thankfully, that girl is long gone!
Fast forward to now (close to ten years later.) My children are 9, 7 and 4-years old and trust me when I saw they can speak for themselves. Very loudly! At 38 years old the baby weight from my “baby” still lingers and I took my kids to McDonald’s a few weeks ago.
NO, they don’t eat fast food often, YES, we do try not to use plastic straws at all and I still strive to purchase as much organic food as possible. BUT somewhere between 2011 and 2019 I checked my naive, judgemental ass and found a healthy middle ground. I’m realistic about balance because the last thing my family needs is pressure—the same pressure I used to put on myself—to be perfect.
Letting go of this idea of “perfection” was a process that started with feeling inadequate. I felt like I was failing because I was doing such a bad job at my job—which at that point was being a SAHM. The annoyance of not fitting into the basic “SAHM” mold coupled with three kids who were steadily defying me in virtually all aspects of our “green” household was enough to break me down. Not to mention, that the acronym for being a mom who stays home irritates the piss out of me!
I started to find blogging exhausting. I was tired of keeping up this front that living a perfect, organic lifestyle was easy and affordable because, in reality, it wasn’t. My voice was changing and I was struggling to hear myself think because I didn’t know who I was anymore. Plus, I didn’t have a JOB, so working long hours on a website for free didn’t really fit into my basic SAHM job description. So, I QUIT.
Quitting doesn’t feel great to crazy perfectionists. (Some people also call it “passion” but I’m okay with crazy.) In my search for compromise, I learned to make exceptions. Of course, organic strawberries are best, but my husband and I make really large kids who were finishing off two boxes as a light pre-snack-snack and $16 a day for a snack before a snack wasn’t going to cut it. When I found myself in a pinch I said yes to nuggets and fries but no to soda.
My organic skincare and makeup really sucked so I started looking for safer alternatives (and that’s when I found Beautycounter.) Over time, I began to see that there was beauty and sustainability in balance.
I mentioned being crazy, which is why I also took on two jobs — signing up as a consultant with Beautycounter and opening my own yoga studio. Now, I find continuing education to be empowering because no matter how smart I am, I can still learn something new every day. It’s a relief to understand that I’m not expected to know it all or to be perfect, today or any day. I just have to have a true desire to DO BETTER. Sometimes I fail miserably but the desire is still there.
I sold my yoga studio a few months ago to focus on sharing the mission of safer, REALISTIC living and I’m so excited to do it with my real voice. I’m not looking for followers, I’m looking for connections. You won’t see me posing my stylish family in our sponsored outfits each week, but you will see the real shit that no one has the guts to show. It’s not perfect, but it’s me and if you’re still reading it’s probably you too.
Let’s start this revolution together.